Written By: Paula Lemme
Dear Ask Paula,
My girlfriend and I have been together for seven years. We really love each other, but she has hang ups about marriage. I really want to marry her, but whenever I want to talk about it, she gets uncomfortable and tells me she’s mine forever but never in matrimony. So far, that has been something I can handle emotionally. Here’s the problem though, I am being transferred to another branch of the company I have worked with for more than ten years. I am supposed to move in three months to Seattle. I have told her that I want her to come with me, but only as my wife. She has replied that she loves me but doesn’t want to leave the East coast! How can I convince her that this is the right move for us?
Oh my darling, sweet, Lovesick,
You sound like the sweetest apple in the pie. The love you profess for her and the things you “handle emotionally” are what so many girls dream of. I guess not this one though! She sounds like she has become comfortable with your arrangement and doesn’t see the need to bend to your will, while you seem to bend willy nilly to hers. I realize that you have a lot of time and emotion invested into this relationship. I am unclear as to whether she is keeping things from you or is just aloof.
Will she speak to a counselor with you? Perhaps you can figure out why she is so afraid of a commitment that she has been a part of for seven years already. Sometimes it takes a person on the outside to see what is really going on on the inside. If she refuses to have some kind of mediation between you two, then you have a couple of different angles to consider. You could stay here, refuse the transfer, and see what happens from there.Or, you could move to the West coast alone and see what happens from there.
Personally, Lovesick, I think it’s time for you to do what YOU want with your life. If you have been putting everything on hold for a person who may be taking you for granted, your moment is now! Carpe Diem! Do what is in your heart and see what follows. It could be the girl of your dreams… this one or someone you haven’t even met yet!
Good luck, Lovesick, and send me a postcard from wherever you land.